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wife
1.
funny 1
My
wife
left me the other night because she thinks that I love football more than her, I was devastated. We were together for 19 seasons.. ...
2.
Lawyer at a show
... noticed the empty seat next to him and asked why such a valuable commodity was unused. The lawyer replied that his
wife
couldn't make it. The woman asked him if he didn't have relatives or friends ...
3.
Blonde Paints the Porch
... man agreed and told her that the paint and everything she would need was in the garage. The man's
wife
, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, "Does she realize that our porch goes all the ...
4.
Toast of the night
John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, 'Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me
wife
!' That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night! He went ...
5.
Bank Robbery
... but my
wife
did!' ...
6.
Can I have a push?
A man is in bed asleep with his
wife
when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time", ...
7.
custody battle
When I got divorced, my
wife
said she would fight for custody of the kids. Took her out with one punch. ...
8.
10 double whiskies
... girls?" Bloke: "Yes - my
wife
!" ...
9.
lawyer and wife
If your
wife
and your lawyer were drowning and you had to choose, would you go to lunch or to the cinema? ...
10.
To My Loving Wife
A man on a business trip from America checks into his hotel in Australia. He decided to send an e-mail to his
wife
. However, he accidentally typed the wrong e-mail address, and without realizing his ...
11.
Airplane Ride
Morris and his
wife
Esther went to the state fair every year and every year Morris would say, "Esther, I'd like to ride in that airplane." Esther always replied, "I know Morris, but that airplane ride ...
12.
sex before marriage
Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and family values. Stu said, 'I didn't sleep with my
wife
before we got married, did you?' Leroy replied, 'I'm not sure, what ...
13.
You Don't Need to Be a Weatherman
It was two o'clock in the morning and a husband and
wife
were asleep, when suddenly the phone rang. The husband picked up the phone and said, "Hello? ... How the heck do I know? What am I, the weather ...
14.
Golf Trade
One golfer tells another: "Hey, guess what! I got a set of golf clubs for my
wife
!" The other replies: "That's a GREAT trade!" ...
15.
A golfer's respect for the dead
A golfer and his buddies were playing a big round of golf for $200. At the eighteenth green the golfer had a ten foot putt to win the round, and the $200. As he was lining up his putt, a funeral procession ...
16.
How to Tell the Sex of a Fly
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter What are you doing? She asked. Hunting Flies He responded. Oh. ! Killing any? She asked. Yep, ...
17.
my best quality
A
wife
asked her husband: “What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?” He looked at her from head to toe and replied: “your sense of humor”. ...
18.
0 to 200 in 6 seconds
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His
wife
was really pissed. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND ...
19.
buying a bathing suit
While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's advice. ...
20.
wife makes me believe
Moe: 'My
wife
got me to believe in religion.' Joe: 'Really?' Moe: 'Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in Hell.' ...
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