1. Blonde Car Accident

One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.

The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.

He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.

Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.

The blonde started laughing.

This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield.

This time the blonde laughed even harder.

Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car.

The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what's so funny.

The blonde giggles and replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"

2. 3 pieces of rope

3 pieces of rope are walking through the desert when the come across a bar. The first piece of rope walks in a asks for a drink. The bartender replies:

"We don't serve ropes here."

Dejected he walks out and tells the other pieces of rope what has happened.

The second piece of rope walks in, feeling confident that he looks much sharper and will be served. When he asks for a drink the bartender replies:

"We don't serve ropes here".

The third piece of rope has an idea. He quickly ties himself in a knot and frays his ends to look scruffy. When he walks in the bartenders asks him:

"Hey, your not a rope are you?".

The rope promptly replies:

Nar, I'm a frayed knot.

3. Airplane Ride

Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year and every year Morris would say, "Esther, I'd like to ride in that airplane." Esther always replied, "I know Morris, but that airplane ride costs 50 dollars, and 50 dollars is 50 dollars."

One year Morris and Esther went to the fair and Morris said, "Esther, I'm 85 years old. If I don't ride that airplane I might never get another chance." Esther replied, "Morris, that airplane ride costs 50 dollars, and 50 dollars is 50 dollars."

The pilot overheard them and said, "Folks, I'll make you a deal. I'll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won't charge you; but if you say one word it's gonna cost you 50 dollars."

Morris and Esther agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word was heard. He did all his tricks over again, but still not a word.

When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, "By golly, I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn't."

Morris replied,"Well, I was gonna say something when Esther fell out, but 50 dollars is 50 dollars."

4. To My Loving Wife

A man on a business trip from America checks into his hotel in Australia. He decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally typed the wrong e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.

Meanwhile.....somewhere in Houston , a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends.

After reading the first message, she fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To : My Loving Wife Subject : I've Arrived Date: May 27 2006

I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now, and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

P.s It is damn hot down here !!

5. Yo momma so ugly

Yo momma so ugly that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye

6. Blonde Paints the Porch

A blonde, wanting to earn some extra money, decided to hire herself out as a "handy-woman" and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood.

She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do. "Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said. How much will you charge me?" The blonde quickly responded, "How about $50?"

The man agreed and told her that the paint and everything she would need was in the garage.

The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, "Does she realize that our porch goes all the way around the house?" He responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it? The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes we've been getting by e-mail lately."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" the husband asked. "Yes," the blonde replied, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50.00 and handed it to her.

"And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a Porsche, it's a Lexus."

7. Carl Williams fat

Roberta Williams visited Carl in jail the day before he died: She noticed how fat Carl was getting and said "Geez Carl, an exercise bike wouldn't kill ya!"

8. Melbourne Storm on Masterchef

The accountants from the Melbourne Storm are to be the next guests on MasterChef. The challenge is to see who is the best at cooking the books

9. Fat Carl Williams

Carl Williams was so fat he wouldn't recognize an exercise bike if it hit him in the back of the head.

10. Ben Cousins snorts Jason Gram

West coast realized he had problem in a match against St.Kilda when he tried to snort Jason Gram